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| quick update:
quit the hell job, started a better job...been there for a few months and so far so good. but responsibilities follow me wherever i go...
self-confidence is still fluctuating day to day, but starting to realize what i cannot control and letting go of that.
things with the boy: wonderful.
things with my family: here and there.
things with my body: spring's here...so hopefully that's some motivation! | | |
| - walk awayis he cheating?
am i paranoid?
why can't i speak up?
why do i let this consume my thoughts?
why does even speculation hurt so much?
do i have a reason to be insecure right now?
oiy vay. | | |
| leaving early tomorrow morning for my last big event. be back on thursday afternoon, which i was originally not impressed with, because i miss the last few days of the competition, but at least i still have my long weekend!
things have been pretty rough at work - i haven't had a day off since easter weekend and i've been working 70+ hour weeks. ridonkulous. next friday will be AMAZING. i'm not going into work. whoohoo! i can sleep in and actually take some time for myself.
with all the travelling since easter, i have been eating like crap, sleeping like crap, worked out ONCE in the past month. lost a LOT of muscle mass. gained an office ass ("my ass used to be like this! and now it's like... this...") and my face is breaking out like a teenage boy. so hot right now. feeling SO hot.
summer is near, and i just need to break out of this funk. i'm sure once work gets a little better, so will my attitude. my family, friends and the boy - i cannot believe they are putting up with me. it's not worth it. i had a heart to heart with the boy a few nights ago, me confessing how unhappy i am with myself, and how frustrated and disappointed in myself i am. for letting this stupid job get me so bitter, jaded, and bitchy. and all he said was "this is not YOU. you are NOT like this. it's your job. don't let it define you because you are the most wonderful person in the world". sweet jesus - bless his soul. the only words that could make me smile that night.
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| having a really hard time staying positive.
it's either...
a) living at home w/the parentals
b) the job i am currently at
c) my self esteem/confidence that has decreased due to situation a & b
i really need a kick in the butt.
be back when i find new motivation. | | |
| i truly understand the saying "overworked and underpaid" now.
god forbid it takes these circumstances for me to lose 5 lbs.
i went to the dentist last week...the hygenist told me to get up & follow her to get my standing xray done...i follow her and she turns around to put that vest on me and she goes "wow, you're thin."
i jokingly reply "ya, it's my job."
the hygenist exclaims "ooh! you're a model!?"
i say "um....no. i meant, my job. is stressful."
"oooh....alright - bite down and don't move."
HA. as weird as it was hearing that from a complete stranger that i let fiddle with my overcaffeinated teeth and underflossed gums, i was flattered that someone noticed that i was thin.
i'm so screwed in the head. wtf. | | |
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